well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
