I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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