You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
