So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
