I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
