I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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