He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
