Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
