i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
