no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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