This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
