I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
