Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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