wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
