i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
