I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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