I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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