he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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