Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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