a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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