she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
