yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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