You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
