you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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