someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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