Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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