I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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