If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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