Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
