You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
