she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
