Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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