so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
