when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
