My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
