Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
