so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
