6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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