Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
