Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
