oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
