So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
