I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
