I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
