Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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