I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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