what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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