i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
