What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
