Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
