I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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