Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
