What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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