Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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