my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
