Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
