Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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