So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
