real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
