You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
