my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
