didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
