I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
