i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
