i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
