I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
