i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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