They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Do vagina's smell?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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