y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
