I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We don't watch enough power rangers
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Randomize
