this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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