The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
