we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
