You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
