Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
