She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
