I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
