my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize