jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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