and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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