What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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