We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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