It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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