Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i would punch a child for taco bell
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
is it fun? or sober?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
